Photograph Me Breastfeeding!

 Photo by Leilani Rogers 

There is no moment that makes me feel more beautiful, strong, and proud than the moment I am able to comfort and nourish my daughter--the human being I grew within my womb--with food I create from my own breasts. It is beautiful, both in its intrinsic bond between us and also the serene nature of this act in itself. It represents the incredible design of a mother's body, as well as the determination and persistence one requires to push onward with breastfeeding despite the many challenges breastfeeding mothers often face. So, why is it that when I breastfeed my child in front of others, their instinct is not to capture this miraculous moment in a frame but to avert their eyes and ignore my very presence in the room?

I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for pretty much the last five years of my life. I am currently breastfeeding. And I have begun to notice something. We do not have many pictures of me. There are tons of pictures of my daughters, my husband, grandparents, friends...yet my photographic presence seems to be missing lately. Perhaps it has to do with how often I am the one holding the camera, but I started paying attention to others as they took their photos. With all of the best intentions I'm sure, I would watch the camera/phone come out, the scanning of the room, and then the embarrassed flush of the cheeks and quickly turning away once they realized I was breastfeeding. Even those who were completely comfortable with me breastfeeding would sometimes say something along the lines of "Oh, I'll let you finish first" as though the act was fine as long as it wasn't captured on film.

Now, I get it. Our society has thoroughly sexualized the female breast. However, I am not trying to turn anybody on when breastfeeding. News flash: breasts were created for feeding babies first and foremost. It's just science. So, I am not ashamed of my need to expose my breast for the purpose of feeding my children--in fact, I'm quite proud of it! I have worked very hard to be able to successfully breastfeed, like most breastfeeding mothers have experienced, and I am simply saying that I would appreciate it if people would stop viewing this accomplishment as some sort of embarrassing act that I should keep out of our picture frames and shutterfly books. 

There is a professional photographer named Leilani Rogers in Austin, TX who photographs the subjects of births, newborns, and breastfeeding. She describes her profession as "a love for snapping the rare, magical moments that all families experience". I was so excited the day I found this amazing woman, who understood that breastfeeding was "rare" and "magical" and needed to be captured on film! She believed this so much that she founded the Public Breastfeeding Awareness Project (PBAP), which is a group of 75 photographers around the world who work to normalize breastfeeding in public through their beautiful photography of these moments. Leilani, as a child, was amazed at the ability to preserve moments in history for hundreds of years through the act of photography. I wonder how much of our history is lost forever because we continue to stigmatize the mothers in our communities who give of their very bodies to provide nourishment to future generations. 

Here is some of the incredible work of Leilani and other PBAP photographers:

PBAP is rare, however, in how most photographers (from anyone with an iPhone to those who get paid to do it) view breastfeeding and whether it is appropriate to capture the act on camera. For this reason, mothers have started resorting to their own ability to photograph by taking selfies of them breastfeeding--an act that has now been coined the #brelfie. Across social media, mothers have begun to show their beauty and pride as breastfeeding mothers by posting their #brelfie to be seen and shared. Oddly enough, in a society where selfies are the norm and many people post them daily, #brelfies get a lot of criticism for "seeking attention", "inappropriate content", and "lack of modesty". So, not only will no one else take my picture, but now I am not supposed to take it either?

Listen everyone, I am proud of my breastfeeding. I worked hard to get it right. I fight through sickness and pain and comfort to do it. I sacrifice to give my child nourishment and health. THAT is what you should see when you catch me breastfeeding near you. THAT is what you should think of me when you judge my breastfeeding near you. And THAT is why you should want to take my picture. Because I am a beautiful, proud, strong, and selfless mother who deserves recognition in history. Even if for no other reason than I gave of myself for my child, and that is a selfless act worthy of being noted. 

By all means, if you are a stranger, ask my permission first to take a photograph (like you really should of any person you do not personally know). But don't be afraid to take the picture! Breastfeeding is worthy of the space on your phone, the frame on your wall, and the post on your newsfeed. I am worthy of all of those things too--not despite my breastfeeding, but because of it.

(Thank you to my sister Clarissa for taking this beautiful photo of me!)

Birth control, Hobby Lobby, and this Catholic mama

Some days I feel conflicted within myself. As though, my faith and my gender are in constant battle. Last week, after the decision regarding Hobby Lobby's birth control exemption, I had a hard time trying to decide which part of me I should be fighting for, and which side I seemed (by default) to be fighting against. 

The truth is that if you ask most Carholic women if they see a problem following their faith as a female, they would undoubtedly say no. Most of us do not feel oppressed by our Church. We do not see the beliefs of our religion as a design to keep ladies in the kitchen. We do not live life with an attitude of being less than men. 

On the contrary, you will not find another sect of Christianity that honors women more. We have full prayers and practices devoted not to Jesus, but to his mother. We recognize that the first truly spotless soul was Mary's. We hold her in the highest regard, while most denominations may go weeks or months (maybe years?) without mentioning her name. 

Oh, but that is just one woman...what about every woman? What about our rights? The truth is, we fully believe in a woman's right to plan out her family. We encourage women to be educated and in control of themselves and their fertility. We simply don't believe that requires any kind of pharmaceutical assistance. We believe that just because something can be done doesn't mean it should be done. 

So, where does that leave me, in this post? While I hold true to my faith and stand strong in my beliefs, I still felt torn by the Hobby Lobby case. I understood why they would be against emergency contraception (a huge myth is that they were against all birth control, though that is not the case). Yet, I struggled with the idea of a government that allowed one person's religious beliefs (even beliefs I may agree with) to make decisions for someone else's life. 

When I find myself in battles of conscious, I often end up on Facebook. That statement may make you laugh, but I can honestly say that I have been informed, enlightened, and convicted almost every day on social media. (If you don't feel the same, then maybe you aren't following the right people). As it turns out, this week was no exception. I read posts from Catholics, Protestants, Atheists, Buddhists, and many whose faith may not be defined by one simple title. I read comments and memes and jokes and prayers. Some caused me to laugh, some caused me to cry, many caused me to think...and finally now, they have helped me to write this post. I wanted to share a few with you, so you could see some of what I encountered. 

This meme was posted on a Catholic group for mothers. It immediately struck me as offensive, even as a woman who does not use artificial birth control. Is it fair to assume that a woman who uses birth control is using it solely (if at all) to prevent pregnancy? Is it fair to assume that a woman who uses birth control is so premiscuous she cannot keep her clothes on? Is it fair to assume that a woman who uses birth control has less morals or dresses in an immodest manner? 

When I tried to suggest that this meme was unfair and offensive, my comment was met with responses that it was just a joke and a way for "like-minded" people to have a laugh during a trying situation. I was appalled that members of my faith found such a crud joke to be humorous and worth sharing. 

But it got me thinking: Whose job should it be to judge whether or not someone needs birth control? By giving employers a say in what people (not just women, but obviously women in this case) need or don't need in their insurance plan, doesn't it give license for anyone to judge --regardless of their background, education, or profession? Why are we allowing anyone other than doctors to make these judgment calls, and what kind of people are we becoming because we feel entitled to a say in a stranger's medical wants or needs?

This meme was also found on a Catholic Facebook group. I immediately agreed with its message. Yes! Pay for it yourself! Your choice to use it. Your money to buy it. I can then wash my hands of you like Pilot. Sounds fair, right?

But then I read this post, from a friend who stated he would be unfriending anyone who supported Hobby Lobby. I hadn't expected to be his friend at the end of the day. However, he continued to try to express the reasoning behind his anger, and I am grateful he did...

Your choice to use it. Your money to buy it...that is what I'd said, right? I felt like a light bulb had clicked on in my conscience! THIS is why I felt conflicted! Not because I didn't agree with Hobby Lobby's belief. Because they were telling their employees how to spend the money THEY had earned. They earn their insurance. It isn't a gift from their employer, it's a part of their wages. If they didn't work the right number of hours, they wouldn't get it--because they earn this part of their compensation by working for it! 

Somehow this series of posts led me to the conclusion that the Supreme Court made the wrong decision. Hobby Lobby doesn't have the right to dictate to its employees that they cannot eat McDonalds for dinner because the company believes they should eat better.  Hobby Lobby can't tell its employees to cancel cable and buy more novels because the company believes they should read more. Hobby Lobby will never set aside 10% of its employees' paychecks to give to the starving children you see on tv because the company believes we should do more for third world countries. Why not? It's not the company's money--it's the employee's!

So, through all of this, I've come to the following conclusions:

1) It is time for religious people to stop speaking up about their faith only when it is a political hot topic. If you are speaking up to evangelize for your faith, you're not going to gain fans by suggesting your poor multimillion dollar religious organization is being bullied by a government that was founded on freedom to choose one's religion. If you are speaking up to defend your beliefs, consider whether or not you are doing so in a way that is reflective of your faith and your God's attitude toward His children. 

2) If the government wants to avoid the "slippery slope" of business and religion, perhaps it is time to take health insurance out of employers' hands all together and offer a truly universal healthcare system. OR Perhaps it would also work to let employers choose whatever insurance plan they like, but an employee should have the right to opt out if there is a government plan they would prefer to better suit their wants or needs. 

3) It is integral for me, as a Catholic, not to mistake my right to believe and practice my faith for the right to use my faith in an oppressive manner over those who disagree with me. Whether this be in my role as a teacher, my voting in our government, or my words and actions in everyday life. My faith is something I should want to offer others as a gift, not use to abuse or demean them as a weapon of hate. This week opened my eyes wide to the slippery slope of our religious beliefs, and how they easily slide us into roles that serve the one we weekly pray for protection against. Let us be an instrument of peace, a vessel of love, and a defender of freedom to choose...and may we pray that our actions and words influence choices of love, as we would want others to do for us. 

ETA: Third paragraph under 1st meme.